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THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1993) - REVIEW

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Talk about a 90's cast... Yes Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Chris O'Donnell and Oliver Platt face-off against Tim Curry's villainous Cardinal Richelieu in this Disney-produced Hollywood adaptation of the classic Alexandre Dumas tale. No, I never pictured Jack Bauer as a musketeer either but hey, he makes a good Athos. Actually, the three musketeers work pretty well despite not matching the characters from the book to the letter. Charlie Sheen's Aramis is far too 'winningly' jokey and Oliver Platt's Porthos has one one-liner too many I think but on the whole you buy that these guys could be a team, and that's the main thing. The plot takes key elements from Dumas' novel but reduces the plot to a more simplistic good people vs bad people kind of thing which is a bit of a shame but considering they're telling this whole story in under 2 hours, that's fair enough. The film starts off surprisingly well actually. Chris O'Donnell, o

24: THE DVD BOARD GAME - REVIEW

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So I'm walking around a store when I find... 24: THE DVD BOARD GAME I lol, dig in my pocket for two, yes TWO, coins (like it's the 1500's) and buy that shit heartily. Oh it looked beautiful. Being a DVD board game I had my doubts, of course, but Jack Bauer was there, his face right on the cover, comforting me and I knew everything was gonna be aaaaalright... After playing the game, really I found there was only one thing wrong with it: IT DOESN'T WORK!!! Yeah. *This DVD board game takes place between the hours of my balls and my ass* Now I don't mean that the game is broken and I couldn't play it. No. The game is broken in that it is actually unplayable . Which is a shame because it all starts rather well! You've got your cool CTU-approved board, a briefing by Jack Bauer himself (*squeeee*) with 3 promising missions to choose from and our favourite countdown from the show! *tick dumm* 0:01:00 *tick dumm* 0:00:59 Then you start pl

24: SEASON 1 - REVIEW

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I know, I'm like 100 years late. But I'm The "Retro" Critic! :P I remember catching a glimpse of this iconic show back in the day and actually finding it pretty entertaining. Sadly, I hadn't followed the thread from the very beginning so it felt like catching the season about halfway through would be a bit of a waste. I decided to wait until I could check it out on DVD. 10 years later... Well I finally made it, that's the main thing, right? So was it worth the wait? What do I make of this very first season? It's good. I thought it would be quite good and it was. Basically I'm rarely taken by a cop-themed series unless you've got a mad scientist in there ( Fringe ), evil twins ( Alias ) or... Columbo ( Columbo ). But 24 did a hell of a good job keeping me entertained throughout and making me care about MOST of what was going on. Kiefer Sutherland's Jack Bauer is a hard one to dislike and is pretty much the glue holding the whole sho

THE LOST BOYS - REVIEW

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Going back to The Lost Boys halfway through watching Season 1 of 24 was a bit of a jarring move, granted, but all this admittedly kick-ass Jack Bauer superhero stuff just made me miss the good old evil Kiefer Sutherland I knew and loved back in the day. Was never a huge fan of The Lost Boys, but I remember watching it and enjoying it fine. Seeing it now, I think I "get" it more. Not that it's a particularly hard one to figure out but I found it was much more tongue-in-cheek than I recalled. Corey Haim avoids the annoying-80's-movie-kid syndrome found in most kid-friendly flicks of the time and actually does a good job. The Corey Feldman/Jamison Newlander vampire-hunting/comic-book-selling duo are a lot of fun and the vampire gang, led by a terrific Sutherland and an especially ridiculous-looking Alex Winter, are so OTT they're inherently enjoyable. Director Joel Schumacher (on a good day here) is clever enough to have the always great Dianne Wiest and the e